I know many people – fellow Christians – who disagree with a lot of what John Piper preaches. Nonetheless, I know that Steven Curtis Chapman embraces his message, as do I. I found this video several months ago, and I thought of it again tonight as I meditated on the tragic loss in the Chapman household. If I know Steven, I know that he and his family are on their knees tonight, and through the deepest of sadness and tears, proclaiming, “God is enough”.

This video talks about the prosperity gospel. I was going to include a Joel Osteen clip as well (to contrast), but I found nearly every video to be so offensively and blatantly opposed to truth and embracing American (so-called) Christianity that I just couldn’t bring myself to do it. If you don’t know who he is, instead of looking up his video clips or sermons, I suggest you look him up in Wikipedia.

In the midst of my 20’s, and in trying to establish where my life is headed and what it may be marked by long-term, I’ve really been focused for a long time on finding purpose in my life and really trying to get firm and adequate answers for how to live a meaningful, rich life before God. What does it mean to give your life to God? What are the implications of turning your life over in service to Him? How radical does true Christianity really get? What pitfalls of American society am I blindly falling into? What company do I keep, that affect the way I read, interpret, and apply scripture?

My mind has not rested for some time. I meditate on these things day and night. My heart feels the unrest of imminent battle as the radical pursuit of God’s own heart conflicts with the comfortable religion of American Christianity. I’m ever suspicious. I recently found this quote:

“Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.” —André Gide

While I do believe that the Bible is truth (so, obviously, based on my faith, truth can be found), I do believe that much of our doctrine and philosophies (apart from the pure gospel of Christ) can be grossly corrupted and negatively influenced by our culture. Unknowingly, we freely adopt and embrace our interpretations of what we read and hear, all the while looking through horribly tinted goggles.

There is one group in general that I have come in close contact with in my travels around the world… and they scare the crap out of me. Why? Because they have an answer for everything. A firm answer. They *know* what a righteous life looks like. They *know* exactly what God wants out of them, and everyone around them. They actually believe that they are coasting along on the straight and narrow as they buy fancy dress shirts and brand new 2008 vehicles. Not only that, but they believe they’re much further down the path than most of the people they come in contact with. They render their merciless judgment upon others like God did upon Sodom and Gomorrah. I call this fellowship “Ndasochera”.

I hesitate uttering the reference Matthew 7:5, since I myself am making an accusation. However, I do so not to put myself above others, but to say, “hey, common… we’re all on the same playing field. I am no more fleshy and human than you are”. The truth of the matter is, we’re only righteous because God looks not at us, but at Christ. With humility and a broken spirit, weak in my weary striving for a deeper relationship with God, I admit that I cannot render any more judgment upon my brother than I can upon myself. In the same respect, I cannot render my judgment upon non-believers sin any more than I can myself.

A dear friend of mine recently spoke about a friend of hers, named Cynthia (I’m not revealing the real names, by the way). My friend, Sherry, thinks that Cynthia may be quickly becoming an alcoholic (as her parents did), and Sherry wanted advice on how to handle it. I sat and listened as others in the room gave advice on how to handle the situation. The consensus among them was that Sherry should approach Cynthia and tell her about the problem… make it known to her… encourage her to change, and if she doesn’t, try to intervene in a more direct manner. This, it seems, is the way that many Christians I know try to spread the “truth”. It’s loving, right?

Frankly, I do not think this is the right way to deal with the alcoholic situation. If I were in Sherry’s place, I would probably approach things much differently… I realize that sometimes you really need to step in and intervene, but we’re talking about an adult here. Probably a stubborn adult. Cynthia is going to reap the consequences of her actions. It could spiral down and down and down, and it would be her choice. Unless she is incapable of making any decisions for herself (if people have to bath her, feed her, take her to the toilet), it is always going to be her choice to spiral down.

I think it’s appropriate to approach Cynthia and ask her something like, “is this becoming bigger than you can handle?” or “is this a problem for you? Are you ok? Can you handle it?”, “do you need help?”. This gets to the root of the issue right away. Either she needs help or she doesn’t. Said better, either she WANTS help or she doesn’t. (Cynthia’s problem is, of course, a more complex matter than I’m making it for my example, since Cynthia’s behavior may grossly impact others around her, but the principle remains the same).

In life, a human being will sin. While it’s good to point out the consequences of sin, as a Christian to a non-believer, it’s much like one alcoholic pointing out the consequences of drinking to another alcoholic. This is why many Christians are thought to be hypocrites. Let’s get to the root of the issue…

Do you want help, or do you want to do it on your own? Upon this decision you will reap the consequences for all of eternity. But it’s your decision to make, and yours alone.

One thing that helps to define a true believer is whether they admit to truly needing help in this situation. Whether they see the impending doom and fate of their soul or not, a Christian will always come to a place on their knees, crying out for mercy and grace because they ultimately realize that they need help. They need someone to save them. They realize that they’re drowning in the intoxicating, temporary pleasure of sin.

I submit that living a righteous life is not about what you can make yourself do or be, but rather what you give up and allow God to change in you. Out of this change will be born genuine righteousness (actions), and not the other way around. Anyone can be self-disciplined to live a seemingly flawless life. Take the radical Buddhist monks, for example. The thing is, the same thing happens in the American church today. People condition themselves to live outwardly righteous life, all the while ignoring the sin in their hearts. It’s like sneaking around the side of a battle field in order to completely avoid the enemy, vs. actually battling and defeating the enemy. Nobody wants to actually face sin and deal with it because it’s ugly, embarrassing, and a reason for people (generally Christians) to abandon their relationship with you. Nobody wants to expose their sin, even to God, because they lack the faith that God has enough grace for them. I’ll say it again… the reason why people PREFER to live a “goody two shoes Christian life” is because they lack faith in God, and place it, instead, in themselves.

Nobody is really willing to be vulnerable enough to be real about their sin (and I must say, who could blame them, often having only a den of wolves in the church to fall on and have devour and expel them?). It takes a true change in the heart to live a truly (visibly) righteous life. God alone changes hearts. The only change you, as a human, can produce, in and of yourself, is more sin (with a nicer wrapping).

So do you want help? Whether you are a believer or not, do you have a problem with sin? Is it bigger than you can handle? Do you feel the weight or consequences of it yet? Maybe it’s time to get on your knees and remember how crippled and dependent you are before God. Remember your place, mortal human! Tremble before the God who knows your sinful, ugly heart better than you do, and remember that nothing is hidden from His sight. Get off your pedestal, hypocrite! Humble yourself, Mr. Ripley, for you are a wretched sinner, undeserving of mercy and grace, and much too inferior to think anyone below you.

Let us strive to identify and eradicate the things we have accepted and embraced because of our own Christian culture, and choose to actively pursue and understand God’s culture and how to live a meaningful, passionate, honest life before our Maker. Amen.

It’s interesting to come in contact with people who profess Christ, yet don’t profess to struggle (or have any problem) with personal pride. Chances are, if you consider yourself “humble”, or if you really aren’t fully engaged in an honest, front-line, bullet-exchanging battle with pride, I’m talking about you. I know that, in so many ways, I can only write this because I speak from personal experience. No tricks here. No silly attempts to be humble. I truly am wretchedly prideful. If you ask those that know me well, they will confirm this fact. I suppose this means I’m not only writing about you, but perhaps about myself as well.

In fact, my struggle with pride is quite central to my relationship with Christ. After all, my pride is enemy 1 when it comes to my walk. It seems I am consistently silenced by my own foot in my mouth, and constantly silenced by my immature and often foolish decisions and actions in life.

What I don’t get is when I come across a Christian who is obviously not in the same war that I am in. They’re on another planet entirely. The thought of humbling themselves to the point of silence shocks them, much less considering adopting a perspective which may, in fact, conflict with their own world view. I know that nothing can excuse me from being so deeply prideful, yet I can say that I am openly at war with it.

These so-called followers of Christ (they call themselves “Christians”, after all) are often easy to spot. Having had it slammed back in my face so many times, I even have some idea of what it looks like in me. It comes across as anger. It is most obvious when the individual truly lacks the ability to give grace (though they will be convinced – absolutely convinced – that they are, in fact, giving grace (at great cost to themselves). In the past year I have become so much more aware of my unwillingness (and sometimes, it seems, inability) to extend grace to someone who has hurt me deeply. This is, perhaps, the most prideful response I can imagine, and it disgusts me.

I recall some recent exposure to such malicious behavior… sitting in silence, a condemned man. I had made some mistakes. I needed grace. Instead of grace, I received harsh criticism, contempt, and utter disrespect. I felt like a slab of meat. I tried to speak up a few times, only to have it slammed back in my face. For the first time I really began to realize how difficult it must have been for my parents to endure and put up with us kids through our teenage years (and beyond). I finally felt what it feels like to not be able to get a word of sense in edgewise, and simply sit and listen to a harshly delivered message filled with obscurities and preposterous facts. I realized the sheer impact my own pride could have on others. Now I was one of the “others”, and grace was in short supply. Very short supply.

I have no formula for hacking away at personal pride. I wish I did. I would apply it to myself in a thick lather and repeat the process of applying it 8 times a day. All I can say is that it is extremely proper to presume that you *may* in fact be wrong in your various perspectives and judgments. Admit, at the very least to yourself, that you could be grossly wrong. Act as if you are, and listen quietly to your accusers. Take it in, with a grain of salt, of course, and allow yourself to be shamed and condemned by another human being. The harm in taking unjust abuse and judgment is slight compared to the damage of proudly refusing such things (whether you do it in order to not feel guilty or merely to be “right”).

I may not have found the best way to combat personal pride, but I do know that the chosen route to humility most decidedly offers you the ability to extend grace that you otherwise would not even realize existed (or was needed, or even commanded!). When you decide to humble yourself when faced with scorn and torment, you receive the perspective gladly (or at least calmly), and, presuming your aggressors to be possibly right about such things, it enables you to point the finger of blame at yourself before you choose to counter with a finger in their face.

I love the verse in Philippians that speaks about Christ’s humility. It says that “though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking on the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form he humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross” (Phil. 2:6-8)

Christ endured an enormous amount of unjust ridicule and hostility. Is this not the best example of how we should live? What is more, we will probably often deserve the judgment, as we are constantly seeking our own interests out of sinful hearts. The realization of our own need for grace (which I believe is a part of humility) will give birth and growth of God’s grace within us, and become ever more prevalent and obvious to those we come in contact with.

I sit here a condemned man. Even as I sat and received ridicule and ruthless, graceless hostility, I knew in my heart that I have done the same thing to many people who love me. I have opened my mouth when they have remained silent and taken undeserved heat. I have been the withholder of grace, and even as I sit here now, I cannot bring myself to extend grace to at least one particular individual in my life. It will have to be a work of God in my heart, and I know this.

I suppose I could only hope that, by reading this, you discover a new aspect of the light of grace that illuminates within a heart that has become alive through Christ. If you are the evil withholder of grace, let your personal war with pride begin with silent contemplation. Consider the possibility that YOU may be the fool. And I know it seems like a stretch, but I beg of you to consider that you may be sinning even when you feel that you’re acting righteously or justly. Have such humility before God, that even your righteous acts may be weighed by the true judge. Let not your pride overtake you, or you will surely sink deeply into the mud-hole of loneliness, aching to receive the grace that you have so maliciously withheld from those who need it most.

To those that are at the harsh and bitter end of those destructive, prideful judgments: press on in mercy, humility, and grace. Humble yourself, and be concerned not with the heart of your attacker, but with your own. Keep yourself in constant check. If need be, remind yourself of your own dire need for Christ. Ask God for humility. Ask Him to reveal prideful areas. I assure you this will not be a pleasant journey, as it has been quite a difficult path for me (and I feel like I’m only just beginning along this treacherous pathway).

My friends. I need grace. I need a lot of it. I know that you need grace. Let us desire to walk humbly and justly with God (Micah 6:8), and let us not fool ourselves into thinking we need it any less than our fellow man. Praise God, who gives us grace that is sufficient, sustaining, and ever-enduring!

Just thought I would post a few pictures for you all. This is my first “batch” from Honduras. Hope you enjoy them!

Cavi and me at a cafe in Santa Lucia






A neighborhood in the outskirts of Tegucigalpa






Thus far my favorite place in Honduras… This is atop a roof of a friend’s apartment.  We all sit up there and talk.  It’s pretty sweet.


Laura!


Te Frio, por favor!




Gonzi!




Honduras makes gooood coffee.


Festive… Ha.


Yes.  This is a random picture.  But I thought it looked kinda artsy and cool anyway.






YUMMMMMY food.  Refried beans with melted cheese and chips.  And of course, horchata!


Picture taken by a 6 year old… Not bad, Gonzi!  Glad I smiled in time, haha!






This is one of the oldest churches in Honduras.  It was pretty nifty.








If you haven’t yet figured it out… You’re looking at a reflection of the stained glass windows of the church.  The figurines are inside a glass case.


And…. another.  Yep.  Just thought it looked cool.


I love the weeds growing out of the roof of the church!




Amanda.  What a cutie pie!


After I got the “ok” nod from this boy’s mom, I quickly snapped this picture while he was still sitting like this.  Too cute!


You guessed it… Public transportation!  Lots of yellow school buses down here!


I want a door like this.  Just because.

Anyway, that’s all for now!

That’s a small taste of her blog.   Go check out the blog by clicking here.  I hope you take her words as a personal challenge to live your life differently than others around you may expect.  Step out.  Be effective.  Be scared no longer, and show who Christ REALLY is to a world that is dark, hopeless, and empty.

I do wonder what many of you think about her insights.  Please feel free to leave your thoughts…

I’m a little late, but here it goes…
To those that actually left me voicemails:

Thanks for taking part in the fun.  That was pretty funny!  If you would like to do a similar contest, let me know and I’ll leave ya some funny voice messages!

Alright, whoever sent me that “stalker” voicemail message: you win!  It creeped out a few of my friends (kudos to you), and it got me laughing pretty hard.  Send me an email so I know who you are. (to the rest of you, if you missed the message I’m talking about read my blog titled “I can NOT stop laughing”)

To those that didn’t leave a voicemail:  I’m sorry you’re too busy (I’m sure that was the reason).  Remember, being silly and embarrassing yourself from time to time is healthy!  It’s never too late to leave a funny voicemail and shed some of the stresses of life with a few sound bytes of goofiness!  Don’t believe me?  Try it!

Hope you all have a blessed Wednesday.

News, then comments:

KAMPALA, Uganda - An overnight fire at a primary school dormitory in Uganda killed 19 school children and two adults, police said Tuesday.

By the time the fire brigade reached the school, most of the girl’s dormitory had already burned down at the school about 7 1/2 miles from the capital, Kampala. The students were between the ages of 7 and 10 and the adults were their matrons.

Police spokeswoman Judith Nabakooba said authorities were investigating the cause of the blaze.

The doors to the dormitory had been locked from the outside and there was no electricity during the time of the fire, said school worker James Kiiza.

“We suspect that bad people are responsible for the fire,” he said. “We cannot say it was due to electricity short circuit. And the door was locked from outside, which shows that someone could have first locked the door before setting the fire.”

Kiiza said there were few people around because workers have been on strike for more than a month because they have not been paid, a common occurrence in Uganda.
*****

I get sick as I read this. Having lived in Africa, worked with children, met with “house mothers”, or matrons, and seen the sleeping arrangements and conditions of dormitories like this, I feel especially aware of the horrors of this terrible event. I’m not sure why I feel the need to post this, but I think it’s important that we are aware of such things.

There are many things in life which may test your faith. For many, things such as this erode and may even destroy or permanently alter their view of God, justice, goodness, etc. I feel like we’ve become so accustomed to saying, “well, God is in control” that we are oblivious to the fact that we may say it around people who really don’t have a relationship with Him or an understanding of Him. To them, we are blaming God. We are saying, “God is in control, He let this happen, it’s ‘His’ fault”. This causes people to grow in anger and bitterness towards God. Does it not?

The truth is, evil is not a result of God’s “lack” of care or love, but a result of sin. God has given every man the choice to choose Him or deny Him. You have decisions today that will impact eternity - that is, decisions between sinning or obeying. God could stop it, and He will.

But what about these 19 children? What about them? Why didn’t God stop that from happening? What made them so deserving? Why should they have to pay so greatly for sin?

Don’t give me the Christian answer. Don’t give me the wishy-washy, I’m-not-emotionally-connected response that I can get in any church service. Just sit for a moment and think about it. Take in the intense consequences of sin. Feel the burden and weight of your guilt. Let your heart feel for these small and innocent girls who were burned alive in the beds, probably screaming in horror, all as a result of sin.

I realize that some things I said might not sound right. Keep in mind I’m writing this at 4 in the morning. But if you’re going to comment on this blog, I just ask that you take your time and that you don’t rush to give some “Christian answer”. Really think about this. Let it weigh on you. Cry, if you will. If you do not feel an intense weight on your spirit, I’d frankly rather you didn’t comment on this blog at all.

So I realize I haven’t really written anything about my time in Honduras yet. Truth be told, I’m still settling in. However, I feel you must know of my adventurous arrival to Tegucigalpa. TGU is widely regarded as one of the most dangerous airports in the world. Not only is the runway short, but planes have to make a sharp u-turn seconds before touchdown AS it descends with the slope of the hill. All I can say is that I felt we were no higher than 50 feet above the ground for the last minute of our approach. The touchdown was the softest landing I’ve ever felt (and I’ve flown quite a bit). In fact, I didn’t even feel when we touched the ground - that was how soft it was. Incredible. Anyway, I must show you the video of a landing at TGU. Enjoy!

I know I did not write this well. I’m hesitant to even post this blog, out of fear that I may be misunderstood or may be misrepresenting myself. Despite my fear, I choose to post this merely as an open journal entry. I’m not sure how encouraging it will be for you to read, should you choose to read it in it’s entirety (and worse yet, if you only read bits and pieces of it), but I trust that my transparency in the matter, however condemning or embarrassing it is, will enable me to be a more truthful, genuine and honest follower of Jesus, and this is something I greatly aspire to be.

Been there, done that. What in this life is worth talking about besides the Savior? My aching and groaning for the temporary things of this life have brought me nothing but tears, hurt, and loss. My life experiences have brought me through great lows to see great heights, and great heights I have seen! Nothing that I could share about myself is devoid of Christ and His love for me.

All that makes me unique I cherish. My individual purpose for existence and endurance is essential, with my unparalleled experience and relationship with God being my foundation and cherished hope. I tasted of the world and spat it out. I have been to the edge of death and been saved. I have been weary, defeated, weak, and disillusioned, and God is and always will be my sole treasure.

I recall a quote once that I found pretty funny:

“Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?”

Usually the term “cost of living” means the financial ramifications of living in a particular area or community, or even at a certain quality of life. This statement takes that normal interpretation and makes it absurd, yet somehow deeply penetrating and thought stimulating. Surely nobody is a strange to the words “life is hard”. Indeed it is. We pay a price. Sin takes it’s gross toll on our bodies, spirits, minds and emotions. The decay of our mortal bodies and minds cannot go unnoticed. Gory trauma, untreatable diseases, drunk drivers and merciless dictators ravage their way through the human race like a kid with a magnifying glass on an ant hill.

Westerners shake their heads in pity when they hear of starving orphans and widows in Africa. Sometimes we feel enough pity to sacrifice a lunch at Burger King to send a few bucks to help.

Nothing has shaken and enlightened my view of the culture of Christianity, and specifically “American Christianism”, more than living in a third-world country. My simple answers to the incredible amount of grief and hardship (gross understatements) somehow no longer sufficed. The purpose of my own life, a mere vapor (James 4:14), suddenly entered a dense fog as fellow believers and non-believers perished in misery and were placed in cemeteries too over-filled to supply anything but a shallow grave amidst the shrubbery and weeds.

It’s not that I don’t have the typical Christian answers as to why I’m here. I’m here to glorify and worship God, right? I’m here to seek His heart. I’m here to grow in my relationship with Him. I’m here to share my love for Him with others, not to hide my light, not to become less salty, etc. My purpose is to reach the lost. I know all those great and truthful answers… but I feel like I have never really understood them, or at least not truly digested them. I certainly have never owned them for myself in such a dense fog as this.

I suppose you could explain to me why thousands upon thousands of people in Africa and other countries are living in the poorest-of-poor conditions. I suppose you can explain to me why Damalise died because the hospital couldn’t find a clean needle to give her an IV with a normal saline (she was dehydrated, so she died). Perhaps you can explain to me why there are hundreds upon hundreds of street kids getting high on benzine and fermented feces in the slums and ghettos of a “westernized” city. The list could go on. Believe me, it could go on and on.

I don’t expect to get a solid answer for those questions. God is sovereign. God is good. I must rest in these things. I certainly don’t understand, but I must have faith that I cannot fully grasp all the mysteries of God’s design and authority. But there is one question I really care about…

Why am I not among those in such pain? Why am I not living on the streets? Why was I born into a Christian household? Why am I so well off? Why do I somehow deserve to live?

Most of all, I wonder why I am so anxious to live life, while my brothers and sisters are extremely anxious to pass on and be with the Lord?

If there are constants in truth, and if God deals consistently with human beings, shouldn’t my purpose for life be similar to that of an African? What makes them so different?

I wonder very much if Paul came under fire for saying what he did in his letter to the Philippian church. He says,

“For to me, to live is Christ, and to die is gain. If I am to live in the flesh, that means fruitful labor for me. Yet which I shall choose I cannot tell. I am hard pressed between the two. My desire is to depart and be with Christ, for that is far better. But to remain in the flesh is more necessary on your account.” Philippians 1:21-24

I wonder how many people looked at him like he was crazy. What do you MEAN you want to die? What do you mean you’re hard pressed between the choice to live or die? There is so much in life worth living for!

Surely this was a man that endured and witnessed great hardship in life – much more than I should ever see in my lifetime.

I really think that many of us do not understand the magnitude of the hardship that most human beings endure. I think we cannot grasp the entire thrust of this verse, or understand it fully with our hearts.

I’ve spoken much of death in my recent blogs. It has frightened some of my friends. It’s often labeled a “death wish”. I cannot help but wonder when I look at Paul’s writings, though, whether he also had some “death wish”. Surely it seems balanced out with a “life wish”, but he is hard pressed between the two of them! Do we gloss over this fact? Do we forget? Why is it “Christian” of me to want to live life and not simultaneously long for death? Why does “living by faith” somehow exclude living with great anticipation of the life to come?

Rarely do I see praise to the man that longs for death. In fact, he is often shunned. He often goes to “counseling”. Surely this man has something wrong with him if he is eager to die. Surely he isn’t being “filled with the spirit” if he is passionately accepting either life or death at any given moment. He must be crazy. He must not have a good relationship with God. He must not be very grateful for all the “blessings” he’s received in his life. Surely Paul is no man we ought to strive to be like. Right?

The fact that Paul wants to remain in this life has nothing to do with “God’s blessings”. It has nothing to do with the fact that he’ll “learn more” or “grow more”… It has everything to do with furthering the gospel of Christ and helping the church of Christ (Phil. 1:24-25).

So this brings me to a very legitimate question… Why does PAUL need to stick around for everyone else? Is he sooo great? Why does Paul make a specific statement that HE is valuable enough to stick around?

This is an important question to me. I have often wondered why God is keeping me on this earth. He can use anyone He wants to further His purposes. He wants me to worship and glorify Him? Can’t I do that in Heaven? I am an instrument among a hundred thousand instruments. I feel like the ratty old violin in the corner of a music shop, unworthy to be in the store, much less in display anywhere. Oh God, must I stay in this place? Can my corrupt and filthy strings really make a note that is precious to your ears? Can’t you box me up and retire me?

It all started when my friends started dying… Christians whose light has burned brighter in one day than mine has all my life. Brothers and sisters who have endured such hardship for the sake of Christ. People who really truly seem to understand Paul’s statements in Philippians 1. Instruments that have made such beautiful noises that I cannot bear to compare my squeaks to.

What purpose do I serve, Lord? Either there is a unique purpose for my existence, or God just randomly sends the grim reaper to the doorsteps of unsuspecting Christians and cares nothing for whom He takes. I would like to think that the former is closer to the truth.

If there is one consistent thing in all humans, other than sin, it’s a longing for purpose. Some find it in their career. Some find it when they become parents. Everyone seeks after it, and some are content with what they find. However, I feel I cannot rest until I understand, or at least make some sense of, why I am still here when I long to be with the Lord so badly, as those that so passionately want to live to the age of 80 are swept away like sand on a seashore.

The Bible talks about how we are all parts of the body of Christ. We all serve different functions. Unique functions. You and I are not alike. You may be good at the gift of service. I am not. Already, I am beginning to identify something that makes me unique. Even Psalm 139:13, which speaks of God “knitting me together in my mother’s womb”, sheds some light on the fact that God loves the fact that I am unique, different, special. After all, that’s how He made me.

I guess for many of you it may be easy. You may be part of a church that you consider home. You may own a house. You may be settled in a job. But I am not.

I was talking to an old friend the other day and mentioned something like, “at our church”. He had to stop me and ask, “wait, what church are you talking about?”. OUCH! My family has been a member of West Hills for over a decade. What do you MEAN “what church”? Yet it made me realize that my comings and goings, to Canada, Africa, Honduras, etc., have all contributed to the possible fact that I am essentially “homeless”. I certainly feel such is true.

If you have ever watched Cast Away, with Tom Hanks, you’ll know what I’m speaking about in this illustration… I see many Christians in the church today being very comfortable. It’s a comfortable island to live on. They’re good at living there. They fit in. But many still feel alone. Many attempt to build a raft and leave the island in search of another church, more friends, more fellowship, etc. Some succeed… many fail and seem to lose all hope in the “concept of church”. Others, still, are floating in their rafts in the middle of a vast ocean looking for some solid ground, wondering if that’s what they really want… Perhaps this blog is my “Wilson”.

I think I would be happy to find some solid ground – a church which I could call my home. Perhaps a job that lasts for many decades. Perhaps even a house or a family. I don’t know. Something tells me, though, that I’ll be floating here on this raft for a while. I’m not sure if it’s because I’m not ready for them… No. I think it’s more that I belong at sea, at least for this time in my life.

God has supplied me with so much food and rain. My thirsty soul is continually quenched by a “chance” rain that falls upon me on the driest and hottest of days. My stomach is continually satisfied with a Living Bread that sustains me and gives me strength. My heart is encouraged, and my spirit is lifted up. I have a purpose… and darn it, if all that means is that I float in this ocean talking to Wilson until the end of my days, then that is what I will do. I would hope that those I meet along the way are somehow affected by my longing for knowing God’s heart. I would hope that my adventures and experiences would only make me effective enough to serve a new purpose tomorrow. I would sincerely hope that, whether by life or by death, Christ would be honored in my body, despite this weakened and bruised heart of a homeless, yet passionate wanderer.

***NOTICE***

My phone number will be inactive/suspended for a period of at least 3 months starting 11:59 AM 4/3/08. That’s midnight tomorrow, folks!

You are more than welcome to contact me at any point between now and midnight tomorrow.

But don’t bother deleting my number! I’ll retain the same number if/when I return.

I will have access to the following in the months to come:

Skype: ishilunengu
AOL IM: ishilunengu
msn messenger: ksliced@hotmail.com <<< not for email!
Email: jripley@nsonzi.com
Camfrog: guitarjcr

and I will be reading/writing blogs still. You can track my whereabouts here. Whereisripley.com also has a collection of my pictures and blogs, as well as links to other social networking sites I am part of.

Hope all of you are well! Thanks for reading my blog!